Burning Passion, Everlasting Fear and Unapologetically Pride (5) — Queer and Nationality
In the process of writing this article, I have been thinking about what a country is, what a national identity is, and whether it is possible for us to choose to give up our national identity. How can we distinguish between a regime and its people? When the concept of citizenship does not exist under an authoritarian system, are the members of the state responsible for what the regime does?
I remember in the open-mic event in the dormitory, everyone was free to go up to the stage to perform, tell stories, or recite. After I went up to play my keyboard, Pasha came up to share his story of being a Russian queer. After he finished, we went out for a long walk on a rainy autumn night. I didn’t have an umbrella, I didn’t even bring my jacket, and we looked at each other and laughed in the rain like two teenagers sneaking out of school.
He told me that he felt there was power in telling the story. He also knew that there were Ukrainian students in the room, and he was worried that his presence would make them uncomfortable. But he said, “They are entitled to their emotions”, but he still needed to tell his story. Not everyone is in favor of authoritarian regimes, and the fact is that underneath them, there are more people who are equally oppressed. And he doesn’t want to suppress his story.
And I don’t think he’s wrong. Honestly, and I may be putting it mildly, I remember many people in Hong Kong in the 2019 protest. I remember the hatred of many Hong Kong people towards China from 2019 to now. I haven’t (luckily not, hopefully it is not “not yet”) experienced such hatred, but I’ve probably seen it in Hong Kong. So I probably know what he is worried about.
My simple instinct is that it’s unfair. I remember at the end of the open-mic, someone suggested a chorus of the Beatles’ “Imagine”. We came from all over the world and sang
“Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Livin’ life in peace
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one”
It was a moving moment, but only a moment. Because I don’t believe it’s possible to achieve such an order.
I cannot say that the queers have no country[1]. I believe that democracy has its limitations and imperfections, but at least there is a chance for civil society to keep pushing the agenda forward. And more importantly, I am a Taiwanese, I come from a threatened democracy, and I support Taiwan’s independence.
But what am I to make of experiences other than my own? Especially since I know that Russia is far away from me, so I can embrace Pasha’s experience, I can be there for him. But I know that there is an authoritarian regime close to me. Could I say something like, “All the queers in the world, unite”?
Less than a week after that day, I met my queer friend Lily (not her real name, of course) from China. Knowing her liberal stance, we did connect pretty quickly. But I did feel a constant temptation to tactfully avoid certain sensitive topics during the connection. Lily and I both felt a lot of empathy for each other on many things, but the context we were in made it seem as if we were building on some kind of tacit understanding and slowly advancing our understanding of each other, rather than being able to pour it out all at once.
If that’s the case, then what do we think of queer people from different political regimes? How can we be united? When I said in Dalawasao Club[2] that we need to look at gender in the social movements which support Taiwan’s local issues, we’re actually doing that to a certain extent. So in the transnational queer connection (if that’s even a thing, or if that’s supposed to be an ideal), what do we think about nation and ethnicity? What do we think about conflict between nations? We can’t pretend this doesn’t exist, so what do we do?
Honestly, I don’t have any idea yet. These guys are my friends. They are my friends, no matter what my theoretical position is. But it was on that basis that I began to think about it. I think I started to become interested in comparative politics and democratization, and to realize once again how quickly the space for queer to resist disappears in the absence of a pluralistic and democratic political system. I just might need some more time to think about it.(tbc)
[1] it is a reference to a Taiwanese work from Island Margin (1993), which says that queers are never protected and recognized from any regime, so queers shall not have any national identity, and instead we should try to make a queer republic in a mockingly way
[2] Student activism club for Taiwanese independence and other local issues
Read other Chapters
1. Queer Autistic Friendship
2.Memories like avalanches
3. Autistic Communication
4.Expressing Queer Identity
5. Queer and Nationality
6. Healing IS Possible
